The other hand.

Welp, today is my birthday.
 
 I argue with myself every year on how I want to feel about this day.
 On one hand, I want everyone in the world to know and also to go all out. Have a big bash, spend time with everyone I know and like.
 On the other hand, I want to spend the day by myself, curled up inside 3 blankets with curtains closed, candles lit and a lot of pizza and ice cream.
 
 I don't publish my birthday on my social media because I feel like if people actually know me or care, they won't need the reminder that today is today.
 
 Today, I'm feeling like the other hand.
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 On this day, in 2004, my mom married my step dad. I will forever share this day with them. In 2009, my step dad passed away. He was more of a dad to me than anything. I have a hard time thinking about what I think he would feel about me if he was still here. Also, how much would be different if he was.
  I have been doing a lot of things lately.. one including trying to follow a dream of mine. Changing around my jobs to try to accommodate to the schedule and life I need to take care of two littles and also still pay the bills while trying to go for a little piece of my dreams.
 
 I miss you & love you Jr. I hope you would be proud of the way things have gone for me so far. You're always on my mind, with every decision I make.