I have struggled with mental issues and self hate since I can begin to remember. I just never knew they were problems and that everyones mind didn't work like mine. Believe it or not but it wasn't until facebook memes became big that I saw...."Wow, I do that." It wasn't until I began talking to my doctor that things truley began to make sense.
As you know I am all about what can give me the next boost in my self love journey because let us be real for a moment, a boudoir session isn't a cure all nor is a glitter bombed hot bath and a glass of wine. Each are amazing to be able to treat yourself but not just one action will make you instantly love yourself forever. I am STILL battling my journey but FUCK YES it has gotten so much better.
I STILL have my days that I find it hard to get out of bed and do daily things. Yes, me 6-figured overnight success, ME! I am faaaar from perfect. In fact some days my self hate rings so loud that I start to believe it. My anxiety creeps in that all my success and everything I have fought hard for will disappear. I fear the negative nay sayer who's stuck in my head. That all the negative she's screaming about how your nose looks funny, about how you're getting that moon face, that your fucked up teeth will hold you back from ever smiling or belting out that tune, that your business will fail.
But it takes me one second of confidence to scream "THAT IS ENOUGH!" and I begin to fight the good fight and I win. It isn't ever an easy battle. But the best things in life are never easy, are they?
Recently the battle has gotten really really hard. I've been extremely hard on myself and self hate has been ringing really loud lately. But then Younique happened.
I took a plunge and decided that I really wanted to start getting out of my comfort zone and doing makeup lives. And I figured I needed a company that I stood behind their values to represent. I needed something to hold me accountable for getting up and posting. And I do not care what anyone says Y-Sisters are the most encouraging women by far!! And I really really needed some up in your face kinda support!
Within 2 weeks I reached Yellow status and within 3 weeks I had multiple women on my empowerment team! But that is not all, I was actually doing the damn thing! I am going live almost daily or multiple times a day. AND here is the even better part....I started venturing into special effects makeup and a little of cosplay. (something I have always wanted to do!)
It is hard for me to put myself out there. For all the judgement and to be open and raw. I would totally be lying if I said any of this came easy to me. It doesn't. I probably sit here and think of every reason not to post or to just go back to bed. But there is no growth that way. I won't let self hate win, and you shouldn't either. Find a hobby or something new to learn to empower your fiery soul! Find something you are to be held accountable for. Sometimes that is what we need. To know we are needed.
I am a warrior, I will conquer time after time. And you are & YOU WILL TOO!