Hey 🙂 I’m Denise. I am 24 years old, single, and no children. Single. I say single again because a year ago I never seen myself single. A year ago I was busting my ass for a boy who never intended on being the man I needed him to be. When we first met he was everything I ever wanted. Or so I thought.. your attraction to someone can totally shadow the red flags that the person may be throwing and that’s exactly what happened in my case.
at one point in my 3 year relationship I held 3 jobs. 2 full time and a part time. He worked as a busser. Selling small amounts of weed on the side to “make ends meet” he had so much potential to do more but he was comfortable. I seen the potential in him which is why I thought I stayed. The first year of our relationship I should have left. Everything I thought he was turned into something I never thought I would see in him. His niceness became less and less. His work ethic became less and less but I still stayed because I had a false hope that he would grow up and be the man he promised me he was becoming. During that time I completely lost myself. I spent every waking moment trying to please someone who was never going to be happy. From handing him money, to paying bills on my own. From sex on demand, to forgiving him each time I woke up to a new bruise. I can genuinely say I tried. It emotionally drained me and I hated him. I hated myself and everyone around me. I knew it was time to leave when I started making decisions to better myself. I started Herbalife. I was loosing weight, changing my eating habits, had a good workout routine and he HATED every minute of it. I had my first boudoir photoshoot that I was beyond excited to show my man. To show my man that I was trying to love myself and feel good about myself. He told me if I did it behind his back there would be an issue. That was the first time I did what I wanted and didn’t seek his approval. Don’t get me wrong, his approval was something was hoping I was going to get but it obviously didn’t work that way. I went to my photo shoot and had an AMAZING time. I was excited to see my images because I looked BOMB. I just knew he was going to love them. I showed him one of my photos and he said “looks nice” and never brought it up again. Besides telling me that only old men would appreciate my photos.
It took a few more months before I decided i deserved more. But I did. I made the decision that I didn’t have to let a person I tried to give to world to, make me miserable. When I finally made the decision to leave I was crushed. I had to leave the only person I wanted to be with. The person I forgave so many times and just knew was going to change for me because he loved me. I felt like I was making the wrong decision. But it was something I had to do. Looking back now I think I was just afraid to be alone. I always said I was leaving but I don’t think he believed me until he came home and seen my things gone.
I dealt with a lot of sadness. A lot of beating myself up. I thought alot about what I could have done different and where did I go wrong. But my bad days became less and less. I started to smile more. I veered off and started to take the time for myself to find what I liked to do. And that’s when I met Raye. Who has reopened my love for helping others. I still have times that I look back and wish thing would have turned out different but I have learned to change my perception of things. I am blessed that I experienced what I did at the time in my life that I did. Although it didn’t work out, I left that relationship with so much knowledge that I didn’t have before. I know what to look for in someone. I know what I don’t want in a relationship. I know that I come first. I know that the validation isn’t necessarily what someone says but what they show. And that goes for any relationship i have with anyone.
I still have some work to do within myself but I’m doing it. I have made it further that I ever thought I would being single. And I am so proud that I made that decision for myself! I am on the road to finding myself, and I am so excited to see what’s to come 🧡